Wednesday, January 26, 2011

In A Funk

I wasn't sure of whether or not to post this here on this blog or on my stamping blog because it has to do with stamping.

This blog won out, simply due to the fact that I try to keep my stamping blog strictly for crafty things and I like to keep it light over there.

I entered a bunch of cards in a challenge over at the Moxie Fab World, and I was really excited about this particular challenge because it used Gray, which is very much a color I am into these days.

I was really happy with the way in which my cards turned out and actually felt that I had a chance to be a winner in this challenge.

The results came out today, and after seeing the winning cards, I went back and looked at mine again, and couldn't believe that I had ever thought that mine were worthy of winning.

Normally I wouldn't care much, but the truth of the matter is, is that it is one of my goals this year to be published in a card making/paper crafting magazine. The results from today do not make this effort look promising.

Yet, because I am a feisty fighter, I will still try. There are a couple of calls coming up in the next week or so. And it's only January. There's a whole lot of year left.
Sorry about the whining. I just had to get it out.

Thanks for stopping by.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Learning to say NO

Has not been easy for me at all.

I am in my thirties, and I still feel like I am on day one of the 'Just say no' program. (This has nothing to do with drugs, mind you.)

All my life I have been a competitor, a fighter. Someone who wants to do everything and be the best that I can be at it. I am slowly finding out, or at least slowly acknowledging that I can't do it all. I can't be everything to every one.

But the tougher part is trying not to feel like a failure in doing so.

Because I feel like a failure. I am sitting here right now, with tears in my eyes still feeling like I should be able to take on certain things in life. I should be able to volunteer at church, at PTA, in my children's classrooms, for my kids' sports teams. I feel like I should be able to take on all the things that I see other women doing. And that I should be absolutely happy and excited about doing it. I want to be able to say 'yes' when I am asked to do something. I often feel like I should have some great excuse for not being able to do something, and all I can offer up is that I have a small baby and three other kids. It just doesn't seem like an adequate enough answer.

Sometimes I feel like I am treading water, just barely able to keep my head above the surface, while watching everyone else around me swimming away with ease. I see so many others around me and I feel like I just can't keep up.

This post, up until this point was written a week ago. I saved it and wanted to sit on it and think about it for a while before posting. As I sat down and read the words I wrote a week ago, I realize that I was really feeling the pressure of so many things. Some of those things have been resolved, and I have since said 'no' to some things which were weighing heavily on my mind.

I feel a lot better.

I still wish that I could do it all, but after some time of reflection about the things which are truly important in life, I don't believe that I am going to regret not being at a PTA meeting. I will however regret not spending enough time with my children while they were little.

I have made my choice about how I want to live my life from this point forward. I think allowing myself to not feel overwhelmed and stressed out all the time will make me a better wife and mother. And I believe that being a better mother for my children will help them tobecome the kind of people I wish the world had more of. That is going to be my contribution.

Now I just need to be able to move on and not feel bad about the choices I am making.

Thanks for stopping by!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Face Cream and Memories

The face cream I use at night has a scent that reminds me of my Aunt's house.

I don't know why. Perhaps she used the same kind, or for some other reasons I have that smell associated with her and her house. If I close my eyes, I can almost picture myself there. It was a great house, a California Ranch style, on a about an acre of land.

My Aunt loved to garden, and so it was always very beautiful. For a number of years both she and my Uncle as well, were into roses, and had a couple hundred rose bushes. I can remember being there during the summers, and there would always be fresh roses in the house every day.

I would say I spent a good deal of time there, considering we lived about 1000 miles away. Many summers were spent swimming in the pool in the back yard, and playing with my two cousins. I remember playing barbies in the hallway, and spending Christmas' there as well. I remember the 'Angel' tree that she had in her living room and the one year my mom and she took all the angels off the tree and counted them.....for some reason I believe they counted over 750. She loved angels.

As I got older, my Aunt would have projects for us to earn money, which was awesome as a teenager, and great for me,(perhaps not as much so for my cousins), as it always seems easier to do work for someone who is not your parent, and in a place that is not your own home. Why is that, I wonder.

I haven't been there in many years, and they have done some extensive remodeling, so I know it won't be exactly the same the next time I am there. The pool in the back yard is gone, replaced with what I hear is a beautiful guest house. But in some ways I think it will be the same.

I have such good childhood and adolescent memories of there, no only of just the house, but of the people. I had so much fun with my cousins growing up. I wish that I would have stayed closer to them over the years, as I am am only child, they probably would be the closest thing I would have to sisters. We do stay somewhat in is in the Bay Area in California, and the other back in D.C. I am hoping that this summer we will all be able to get together for a little family reunion of sorts.

It's funny how in those years of your late teens and early twenties, when the world has opened up to you and you find you can make your own decisions about anything at any time, that the things that matter most in life somehow take a back seat, and now I find myself eagerly trying to get back to those roots of happiness.

I hope that sometime in the near future I can get down to visit my Aunt, and once again be in the house that held so many good memories of my childhood.

Thanks for stopping by.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Plight of the Laundry

Just had to share my amusing (now) experience from yesterday.
As Kellan was laying in my bed yesterday morning, because that is where he wakes up every morning, which is an entirely different story, he managed to leak through his diaper, through his fuzzy pajamas, the blanket that was wrapped around him, and soaked my sheets.

So I had to wash all the sheets, big deal.

I already had a bunch of laundry going, so I just added all my sheets to the line-up. Late in the afternoon, I managed to get the mattress pad back on the bed, but was still waiting for the sheets to finish in the dryer.

Finally at about 7pm, the sheets finished and I brought them upstairs and threw them into a pile on the bed, and went to get Kellan out of the bathroom from taking a shower with dad!

I proceeded to lay Kellan up on my bed and he was being so cute, all fresh from his shower, and wrapped in his towel, that I had to get a picture of him. I ran out and grabbed my camera, and when I returned, he had managed to pee all over my newly washed bed.

Good times.

So back into the washing machine went my mattress pad for the second time that day. And my bed did not get made earlier on in the evening like I had hoped. I swear there is something in the universe that won't allow me to have my bed made before 11pm. Even if I get the sheets all washed before lunch!

And by the way, I went ahead and took the pictures anyway.

Thanks for stopping by!

Monday, January 10, 2011

I AM...

a mother of 4 boys
a wife
a procrastinator
a lover of music
a short-order cook
an idealist
a worrier
a HUGE football fan
a survivor
a daughter
a church goer
a paper crafter
an only child
an avid book reader
a coupon clipper
a runner
a beach bum
a TV watcher
a singer
a laundry folder
a homework helper
a blogger
a friend
a gardener
a dog walker
a cat owner
a chocolate lover
a shoulder to cry on
a creator
a taxi driver
a soccer mom
a skeptic
a business owner
a creature of habit
a pinochle player
a movie goer
a volunteer
a golfer
a night owl

I am also none of these things.

I am a Child Of GOD.