Its Been A While

I can't believe that it has been just about two months since I have posted on this blog. I don't know that it has necessarily been that I haven't had much to say, but more that I just haven't had the time to say it.

Since I have last posted, my baby has turned one. I am always amazed at the passing of time. It seems like the more life I experience, the quicker it seems to go. At times I feel like I am on a train that just keeps picking up speed, the more ground it covers. I wish that I could take a few more moments in each week that goes by and stop to ponder all the amazing things that I have experienced, or the beauty of the season, or the little quirky things that my kids have done to make me laugh and bring a smile to my face.

Over the past few months I have been thinking a lot about what really matters in my life, and just how exactly I want to spend the time that I have. The time that somehow seems to slip through my fingers like sand at the beach. At first when I grab a handful, I think of how many millions of grains I am holding, and then without any effort at all they can slip between my fingers and in the blink of an eye are swept away. So are the moments of my life.

It seems like just yesterday I was single, and had few responsibilities in life. It's amazing how a dozen years can change things.

I want to spend more time with my kids just hanging out and spending time together doing things that I hope they will look back on and remember about their childhood. I am very much looking forward to this summer, when we don't have such a hectic and rigorous schedule of all the busyness that seems to fill our lives during the school year.

Sorry. I guess this post has had a quality of crazy rambling to it. I just wanted for the most part to convey the thoughts I have had lately about life. What really matters? What things should we make a big deal out of, and what things should we just let roll off our backs? I have come to the conclusion that the only things that you really need to make a big deal out of are making a flight on time, and showing up for major surgery. All else can be figured out in its own time.

One last thing I wanted to add is how blessed I feel for having one of my lifelong dreams come to fruition this year. I have wanted to be published, and feel so honored to have had a number of cards picked up for a few different paper crafting publications that will be coming out later this year. Just little old me. I don't have my own line of stamps, I am not on any fancy design teams, and yet some of my work, some of what I love to do most, is going to be seen on the same pages as creations of those people whom I most admire in the paper crafting world. I could not be happier.

Thanks for stopping by and have a beautiful day!
Amanda

One of THOSE Days

Okay, so here I am with a few brief minutes before I have to pick up the boys from school.

Today actually began last night for me. I didn't sleep well due to a combination of three things. Kerry's snoring (sorry babe!) the anticipation of the acceptance of my latest cards to Paper Crafts Magazine, which were being sent out today, and a non sleeping baby.

Needless to say, none of my cards were picked up this time around. Kind of a bummer. A couple of the cards I was really excited about too. It will be interesting to see when the magazine comes out, which cards were chosen in the categories that I submitted for. I only submitted 5 cards this go around, so I guess my odds were not that great to begin with. Last time I submitted somewhere between 12 and 15 cards and three were picked up. More to share on my card blog, I guess!

I did however go out last night and pick up a couple of things for another call for Halloween cards. It is a crazy realm I have entered into in the card publishing world.....things have to be done so much ahead of time.....I'm going to be scared when I am making Christmas cards in May and June for publication calls.

I am actually looking forward to spending the evening with my boys. We have been getting really competitive in our game playing......it's really been fun to be able to sit down with my own kids, and interact with them in that way!

So here's to a day that has been sleep deprived and less than ideal. There's always tomorrow, right?

Thanks for stopping by!

Saturday Morning Shower

I have heard people say that being a stay at home mom is like having 2 full time jobs. This is a lie. At least when you have 2 full time jobs you have some time to yourself.

I think being a stay at home mom is like being a short order cook at a 24 hour circus.

Saturday morning I decided to take a shower. Now, mind you, with my busy schedule I don't get a shower each and every day, so a shower to me is a BIG DEAL. An even bigger deal is to be able to take a shower when Kerry is home so that I can be uninterrupted. Well, I seized my opportunity while Kerry was home, and there wasn't really anything going on...he could handle the kids, and I could have 15, maybe even 20 minutes to myself under the hot water.

While I am in the shower, I hear from a distance, 'Mom.....?', getting closer, 'mom....?mooooom?' I try to ignore it, thinking that if I don't answer, maybe it will just go away. No such luck. Into the bathroom comes Dylan. 'Mom?".

"Go away, I'm not here." Is my reply. It does no good. As Dylan tries to peer in to the shower, to see if I'm there, determined to find me, I cut him off and ask what he wants.

He replies that he needs a dime. Really? Does it look like I could possibly have a dime while I am taking a shower? As if I stash my wallet between the shampoo and conditioner?

What a crazy kid.

So even on those rare occasions when I think I can get a moment to myself.....I can't.

I guess that's what comes with being on the job 24-7.

Thanks for stopping by!

TIME

I don't know if time heals all wounds,

But I do know that it gives you a different perspective.

I am thankful for the passage of time in many different arenas of my life.

Time is good for the soul.

A couple of different experiences in my life this past week have given me the opportunity to reflect on the ways in which time can be one of my greatest resources of figuring out answers to life dilemmas.

Just wanted to share.

Thanks for stopping by.

Complicated

I have been dealing with a situation for the past almost 24 hours now.

I don't want to go into the specifics because I don't want to hurt anyone, but I can tell you it involves one of my children :}

Where do you draw the line as a parent? You want to protect your children, and yet at the same time you want them to learn and grow and be confident in themselves to be able to handle their own situations. This is how I have been trying to raise my children.

Sometimes life hurts. Sometimes it's hard to let go of those things you wish you could do, for those things that you know you should do.

I've been thinking a lot the past day about turning the other cheek, and giving people the benefit of the doubt....as well as the flip side of that coin which is standing up for what I feel is right, and not allowing people to step on me or my children.

I remember thinking in my youth that it would be so wonderful to be grown and not have to deal with the petty situations and dealings of the growing pains of being young. And now that I am grown I find life is really no different; in fact it's even more complicated when it involves your children.

I just pray that this situation is able to be resolved with the least amount of damage to the children involved. I know it has been said before, but children really are our future, and it is my hope that I will be able to make a difference in the lives of my 4 children and that they will in turn be able to make a difference in the lives of others.

I really want my ripple in the pond of life to have a good result.

Thanks for stopping by.

In A Funk

I wasn't sure of whether or not to post this here on this blog or on my stamping blog because it has to do with stamping.

This blog won out, simply due to the fact that I try to keep my stamping blog strictly for crafty things and I like to keep it light over there.

I entered a bunch of cards in a challenge over at the Moxie Fab World, and I was really excited about this particular challenge because it used Gray, which is very much a color I am into these days.

I was really happy with the way in which my cards turned out and actually felt that I had a chance to be a winner in this challenge.

The results came out today, and after seeing the winning cards, I went back and looked at mine again, and couldn't believe that I had ever thought that mine were worthy of winning.

Normally I wouldn't care much, but the truth of the matter is, is that it is one of my goals this year to be published in a card making/paper crafting magazine. The results from today do not make this effort look promising.

Yet, because I am a feisty fighter, I will still try. There are a couple of calls coming up in the next week or so. And it's only January. There's a whole lot of year left.
Sorry about the whining. I just had to get it out.

Thanks for stopping by.

Learning to say NO

Has not been easy for me at all.

I am in my thirties, and I still feel like I am on day one of the 'Just say no' program. (This has nothing to do with drugs, mind you.)

All my life I have been a competitor, a fighter. Someone who wants to do everything and be the best that I can be at it. I am slowly finding out, or at least slowly acknowledging that I can't do it all. I can't be everything to every one.

But the tougher part is trying not to feel like a failure in doing so.

Because I feel like a failure. I am sitting here right now, with tears in my eyes still feeling like I should be able to take on certain things in life. I should be able to volunteer at church, at PTA, in my children's classrooms, for my kids' sports teams. I feel like I should be able to take on all the things that I see other women doing. And that I should be absolutely happy and excited about doing it. I want to be able to say 'yes' when I am asked to do something. I often feel like I should have some great excuse for not being able to do something, and all I can offer up is that I have a small baby and three other kids. It just doesn't seem like an adequate enough answer.

Sometimes I feel like I am treading water, just barely able to keep my head above the surface, while watching everyone else around me swimming away with ease. I see so many others around me and I feel like I just can't keep up.

This post, up until this point was written a week ago. I saved it and wanted to sit on it and think about it for a while before posting. As I sat down and read the words I wrote a week ago, I realize that I was really feeling the pressure of so many things. Some of those things have been resolved, and I have since said 'no' to some things which were weighing heavily on my mind.

I feel a lot better.

I still wish that I could do it all, but after some time of reflection about the things which are truly important in life, I don't believe that I am going to regret not being at a PTA meeting. I will however regret not spending enough time with my children while they were little.

I have made my choice about how I want to live my life from this point forward. I think allowing myself to not feel overwhelmed and stressed out all the time will make me a better wife and mother. And I believe that being a better mother for my children will help them tobecome the kind of people I wish the world had more of. That is going to be my contribution.

Now I just need to be able to move on and not feel bad about the choices I am making.

Thanks for stopping by!

Face Cream and Memories

The face cream I use at night has a scent that reminds me of my Aunt's house.

I don't know why. Perhaps she used the same kind, or for some other reasons I have that smell associated with her and her house. If I close my eyes, I can almost picture myself there. It was a great house, a California Ranch style, on a about an acre of land.

My Aunt loved to garden, and so it was always very beautiful. For a number of years both she and my Uncle as well, were into roses, and had a couple hundred rose bushes. I can remember being there during the summers, and there would always be fresh roses in the house every day.

I would say I spent a good deal of time there, considering we lived about 1000 miles away. Many summers were spent swimming in the pool in the back yard, and playing with my two cousins. I remember playing barbies in the hallway, and spending Christmas' there as well. I remember the 'Angel' tree that she had in her living room and the one year my mom and she took all the angels off the tree and counted them.....for some reason I believe they counted over 750. She loved angels.

As I got older, my Aunt would have projects for us to earn money, which was awesome as a teenager, and great for me,(perhaps not as much so for my cousins), as it always seems easier to do work for someone who is not your parent, and in a place that is not your own home. Why is that, I wonder.

I haven't been there in many years, and they have done some extensive remodeling, so I know it won't be exactly the same the next time I am there. The pool in the back yard is gone, replaced with what I hear is a beautiful guest house. But in some ways I think it will be the same.

I have such good childhood and adolescent memories of there, no only of just the house, but of the people. I had so much fun with my cousins growing up. I wish that I would have stayed closer to them over the years, as I am am only child, they probably would be the closest thing I would have to sisters. We do stay somewhat in touch....one is in the Bay Area in California, and the other back in D.C. I am hoping that this summer we will all be able to get together for a little family reunion of sorts.

It's funny how in those years of your late teens and early twenties, when the world has opened up to you and you find you can make your own decisions about anything at any time, that the things that matter most in life somehow take a back seat, and now I find myself eagerly trying to get back to those roots of happiness.

I hope that sometime in the near future I can get down to visit my Aunt, and once again be in the house that held so many good memories of my childhood.

Thanks for stopping by.

Plight of the Laundry

Just had to share my amusing (now) experience from yesterday.

As Kellan was laying in my bed yesterday morning, because that is where he wakes up every morning, which is an entirely different story, he managed to leak through his diaper, through his fuzzy pajamas, the blanket that was wrapped around him, and soaked my sheets.

So I had to wash all the sheets, big deal.

I already had a bunch of laundry going, so I just added all my sheets to the line-up. Late in the afternoon, I managed to get the mattress pad back on the bed, but was still waiting for the sheets to finish in the dryer.

Finally at about 7pm, the sheets finished and I brought them upstairs and threw them into a pile on the bed, and went to get Kellan out of the bathroom from taking a shower with dad!

I proceeded to lay Kellan up on my bed and he was being so cute, all fresh from his shower, and wrapped in his towel, that I had to get a picture of him. I ran out and grabbed my camera, and when I returned, he had managed to pee all over my newly washed bed.

Good times.

So back into the washing machine went my mattress pad for the second time that day. And my bed did not get made earlier on in the evening like I had hoped. I swear there is something in the universe that won't allow me to have my bed made before 11pm. Even if I get the sheets all washed before lunch!

And by the way, I went ahead and took the pictures anyway.

Thanks for stopping by!

I AM...

a mother of 4 boys
a wife
a procrastinator
a lover of music
a short-order cook
an idealist
a worrier
a HUGE football fan
a survivor
a daughter
a church goer
a paper crafter
an only child
an avid book reader
a coupon clipper
a runner
a beach bum
a TV watcher
a singer
a laundry folder
a homework helper
a blogger
a friend
a gardener
a dog walker
a cat owner
a chocolate lover
a shoulder to cry on
a creator
a taxi driver
a soccer mom
a skeptic
a business owner
a creature of habit
a pinochle player
a movie goer
a volunteer
a golfer
a night owl




I am also none of these things.

I am a Child Of GOD.